pathetic people make me perfectly petulant

i love alliteration... but i hate the bachelor. and twilight. and television programming in the summer.

let us start with the easiest target: the bachelor. care to bring about the most extravagant collection of needy, shallow, fame-whoring people? welcome to the bachelor/bachelorette. some of the people i love dearly love this show, and i just dont understand why. they never stay together anyway! sorry, that phrase deserves caps... THEY NEVER STAY TOGETHER ANYWAY! remember the big fuss people made about "who wants to marry a millionaire?", and how it totally crapped on every part of marriage that is supposed to be sacred? well, thats what this show does, but with "romance". im sorry, but some cheeseball with super white teeth shmoozing with me in a hot tub is not "romance". and no one is going to fall in love that quickly. ABC pays for your dates! you think thats reality? i live in a reality where my dates consist of fajitas and harry potter films, and that suits me just fine! and this most recent one... this "jake" character... really, he's a character. he just CRACKS me up. "she was distracting me from my... (adjust femme scarf and do a hair toss) ACTING" PLEASE. act yourself right out the door because youre just sad. and you dated someone whose name is the same as a sausage. get it together.

and need i go on a rant about twilight. i think i will pass on that one right now. just know that if i have to watch that unoriginal, poorly formatted trailer ONE MORE TIME, i might just go team jacob on yall and gnaw on the couch. woof. ("... you can PET jacob"... thank you burger king)

and finally, on a lighter note, a letter to some fine ladies:

dear blanche, rose, dorothy, and sophia:
thank you for being my beacon of sun on the dreariness that is summer television. your back to back episodes, and yes, your marathons, have kept me afloat these past weeks with your witty and rather racy humor. you save me from those OTHER marathons... true life, which is always depressing, little people big world; theyre from oregon?, the little couple (are you seeing a TREND, TLC? sheesh!), which, by the time the show is on, im tired of it because of the commercials, and finally, obsessed, which, to be honest, i will watch from time to time to see the crazy ladies who killed their husbands and claim it was an accident. anyway, thank you for being a friend, reruns and all.

super jealous of your fab sleepwear,
caitlin